a little wiggle and a jiggle

What do I mean? I don’t know what I mean let me see. Let me be honest and see.

Sometimes you need to blab to get to the point of what you want to say.

Sometimes I need to write, on this sheet, where I can be completely honest, where I can say whatever it is I mean, so that I can see what I mean. So that I can tell you what I want to say.

How do I wiggle my way out of this one without seeming crazy? I don’t. I can’t wiggle my way out of this one, I can’t back out sideways while your eyes are on me. That goes against our agreement. Be genuine. Share. That was our agreement.

Ok, so I am not satisfied with everything that was said. I don’t like it. We agreed to be friends, I led that discussion. But I don’t want you to see me as a friend. Not really.

I can’t tell you that. That cannot be said. So how do I explain my little jerk movement then? How do I wiggle my way out of this one? Do I say women are a little crazy? Do I say “I don’t know it is just an instinct, just a feeling. Not all feelings are reasonable? I don’t know what I meant, let me think about it?”

Do I lie to you like that? Strait to your face? Do I not say a thing?

How do I wiggle my way out of this one now?

words

Words words words

We use them to stone people with

We use them to suffocate life

We use them to strangle babies

To segregate, to end.

Do you want to relate to me? Do you want to express?

Come and sit next to me

Lie next to me on the floor

Lets not say a thing.

a bucket of gasoline wants to be oxidized does it not?

I want to be the one you call for, the one you need the one you go for, the one you are interested in, the one you love, the one you get your love from, the one you talk to in the mornings, the one you pull close to you. The one you reach over to and pull close to you.

I want to look into your soul and see what is there. I want to look into your heart, I want to look into your mind, I want to burn down this wall and see you naked and standing there. I want you to see me.

I am caring and I am loving and I will do what I can for what is good for the other. I will try never to put my own wants first. I will be your friend and allow you all the freedom and all the space that you can take. Do the same for me. I will allow you all this space because I want to see you dance. I want to see you move. But this is not a kindergarten. This is not a safe patted room. This is not a cosy pillow. I am a room full of fire, I am a room full of light. I am a room with big windows where the sun is bright. Play with me and set me alight.

I am flame and you are a bucket of gasoline. Deal with it.

Are you coming? Or will you just be just a poem?

this time

This time, when I had a feeling, I didn’t suppress it

I didn’t plan it I didn’t organize it

Fuck you, I didn’t stay under water

I will not drown all my children

I will not give you all my babies to eat

This time when I felt it I just felt it,

I will not put it to sleep.

03. march. 2012

This time I am free

God gave me rules and I follow them

But he never said do not feel

He never said be neat.

God I feel. But everything I feel. Every reality I touch with my heart,

I feel for You.

Every love I feel is for You.

hm

I want to talk about love again hey yes, me and you, in the middle of the night.

If in love I catch on fire and I burn and my spark becomes a blaze

I am allowed to do that

If I am neat but also messy

If I am gentle and peaceful but also intense and deep. I mean deep to the core

I mean intense until the end. The whole part.

I am allowed that.

What if life is a fire burning up in my veins

What if my blood is a fire, a burning heat, a red heat a flame rushing

Rushing through my limbs.

What if I am made of gold, what if I get so very hot and I do not burn

What if this passion is pure

It is free

It is love

It is pure and so it is not a passion at all

It is real and it is the life rushing living alive in my hands

What if I hold the fire in my palms

I play with it like a ball

I squeeze it in my hands like a flame.

If you do not like to be hot, if you do not like the light of heat

If you want to sit in the dark, in the slow

Or if you don’t care, then step aside. Fair, fair enough

But the life in me – the love in me (they are the same) -

It is a fire

A burning flame, a flow of fire hotter than fire, an essence outside my words, an essence we have never seen, an essence I cannot tell you.

A fire burning is my blood. I like the heat. It is me. I will burn with it.

I am made of gold and I burn not.

Look at the ball of flame in my hand. What else is there to say?

03.march.2012