Friday, December 24

2.

how painfully beautiful, how varied, colorful, disturbing, and beautiful has my life been? 
Very. 
So much so that it is painful.

What would my life have been if I hadn’t love these men and they hadn’t loved me? 
Emptier?
 But how can life go on after I’ve loved these men and we’ve shared so plentifully? 
How can life go on and leave them in the past, further into the past? 
How can I bear to leave each source-of-running-water-on-which-the-sun-lights-and-the-birds-by-sing? Each open wound? 
How can I leave it as something finished.


When will I see Karldon again? 
And when I see him will the world go-do-something and leave me near him, to touch his face, smell him and hug him.
Can I show him my heart and his room where he lives and matters?
Or will the world be so that I am not me and he he?
Will he be Married With Two Children and I With Boyfriend or What-have?’

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