at a distance from God

At a distance from God there is darkness and death

There is illness.

The thought of that space is repugnant

Everything about it is wrong.

Not for a second would I want to be there.

Not for a moment could I stand it

Not at all could I bear it.

Breathing would be easier at the bottom of the sea.

So then how could I have lived there for so long?

Why do I speak about God all the time?

Why do I write, again and again, about this same love?

Why do I sing you the same song?

Does it become not a bore?

I do so because one is Holy, one is Lord.

Because every good thing comes from on high

Because besides God nothing is good.

I write about it because it is all I have.

In truth I am ill and it is my only hope.

I am dying, and of healing it is my only source.

I am underwater in a sinking ship, and there is only one little spot, one little space where the water is not.

One little corner of air.

I swim to the surface, I tilt my head and keep my mouth in that spot.

Only there do I breath.

When I speak with God.

I keep my self there, in that little crack of air and I wait. I wait for heaven. I wait for more.

I wait.