Thursday, June 2

evening

She sat sitting on the porch, to be alone from her parents, alone with her desire. Her desire to be with someone. She looked at dark fields, some trees, stars and the moon. Overwhelming open space so boring and frustrating, trivial, because it promised no chance for excitement, interaction enhanced with sexual tension, mental stimulation, or spiritual fulfillment.

She wondered if this burning she felt, that she contained, that made her present insufficient and boring, was a need felt by all people. And if this need, the boredom, exploding in her, this wanting, to move, to meet people, consume stimulation, have the environment that realizes her sexual playful intelligent self and feed her hungry self, is the need that makes people seek change and action. A force that invented the light bulb and the night club.

What is this yearning that she feels? To go out, find others, find fun, be part of the fun, eat it, so that it reaches down and punches this strain in her chest.
What do we need?
Can we ever be satisfied or is this a force that urges consumption and movement that will never be satisfied?

She didn’t sit there desiring a man of this sort or that. Yes, sometimes she does. But really, this feeling is so familiar and experimented with, that she can feel it like a concept, stripped of its particular object of desire.

2005

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